Some of the headlines in today's news:

"Bush aids told, if you want to go, go now."
Oh my God! Can I be excused too!

"Bus carrying pilgrims plunges off cliff"
Where did they find pilgrims in this day and age? I thought they were all gone centuries ago.

"Study calculates impact of 1906 earthquake."
This isn't "NEWS" anymore!

"Gas rises again at the pumps"
I believe I had predicted somewhere in one of these blogs that the $3 bucks a gallon we paid in September would look like a discount price by Memorial Day. Just another 10 billion dollar quarterly profit for the oil boys!

"What will sex be like in the future?"
Hell, I can't even remember what it was like in the past!

"Retiring Exxon honcho's $400 Million golden parachute"
See above re: gas prices.

"Suicide Bomber Kills 9 at Tel Aviv Eatery"
OK, repeat after me."H-o-m-i-c-i-d-e bomber". Ya meatheads! What don't you get about this after all these years?




And finally, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld defended his leadership today insisting that the reason he should remain Secretary is that both he and President Bush share common interests, goals, and size of genitalia. "And of course there will be detractors" he added, "But regardless of all the negative press you're reading, this IS in fact six inches! No. Really. It is!"