Fun Facts From Zach's Almanac: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

About 18 months ago, we as a species survived the contaminated lettuce scare. Prior to this we managed to fend off the dreaded spinach invasion and yes, mad cow disease.
Now, in the last few weeks we've been living through the horrors of the very real attack of the killer tomatoes. The renegade Romas and the unrelenting Round varieties would all have it, (if we were to believe the national news each day) that we throw ourselves down and all kneel before the porcelain alter to howl our petition to the powers that we are told these sardonic side entrees are... and the death grip they have on us.
Run for your very lives! (I really don't know what "run for your very lives" translates to literally since we all only seem have one life, but that happens to be one of my all time favorite sci-fi B movies lines of script...and I suggest we do just that whenever the threat is present or the opportunity presents itself.) "Run for your very lives!"
Truth be known, this most recent garden variety threat was pretty much just a bad B movie plot and only that. Approximately 125 people became sick over the Salmonella that coursed through the capillaries of these berries with an identity crisis, ("Am I a vegetable or a fruit??") out of a nation with a population of 300 million. Let's 'see...125 is what percentage of 300 million? You do the math, ok? The number is so minuscule we might as well be nearing a non-event here.
Considering that anyone who expects total and absolute security from any branch of the government, whether it be the FDA, CDC or (dare I suggest it?) FEMA or for that matter an absolute of any kind from anything or anyone in this life is asking way, way too much... the number of people affected by this outbreak, this red menace is about as absolute as you can get. To my knowledge, very few people have so much as been hospitalized and no one, not one tomato eating fool, has died as a result of this new red plague going around. Yet still it is being heralded on the level of one of the ten plagues or one of the many pathogens that will mark "the end of days". And it's just my guess, but I imagine that some where some of the more extreme religious groups are secretly in their glory over this.
But it's not a pandemic. It's nothing more than a relatively small number of people being made somewhat sick over some poop on or in a small number of tomatoes and in no time, or through washing our produce, the danger will subside.
So tell me then. Why are they refusing to throw any tomatoes on my Papa Murphy's Gourmet Chicken pizza?
Evidently, that's just one more absolute that can't be counted on.
So by all means, "run for your very lives!"