According to a recent article in the syndicated USA Weekend; a supplement to many of the nations Sunday newspapers there's a very good indication that Blondie's Dagwood may want to consider a change in his diet.
A new study by the Cancer Research Center in Hawaii and the U of So. CA which tracked 190,000 people aged 45 to 75 for seven years has led them to the conclusion that those who ate the most processed meats (bacon, ham, cold cuts) had a 68% higher risk of pancreatic cancer ("...which almost always is fatal.) than those who ate the least of it.
In a life and death scenario, even a 20% risk is pretty darned frightening. 50-50 is scarier than hell! But lunchmeat is way up there at 68%?!!
Jared and the Subway franchise are not going to be pleased about this, let me tell you!
But ok, add that foodstuff to the long list of digestibles that'll kill us all post haste!!
Listen. You want to know my research findings? And trust me. These are as accurate as all get out.
Stop eating anything at all for, oh, three to four solid weeks and I guarantee it'll kill you. Or maybe forego drinking water for about four straight days and I'm giving you a 100% higher risk of shriveling up and becoming an inanimate, lifeless little dust bunny before anyone who has bottled water stuck to their face over a third of their waking day has.
How often do we need to be given this sort of scare about the things that we eat and we've been eating as a species since time and life began? Take a look around. It hasn't really thinned out the herd yet! Would someone please tell Mr. Science? He's so obsessed with our demise he has totally ruled out the history of population!
Here's the real question for you or anyone else still reading and somewhat interested in this piece…
In a society where getting an ointment to clear up a simple skin rash requires an appointment with a 12 year medical practitioner… following a decade of study by the FDA to ascertain that this medication won't kill me or cause the rest of my flesh to fall off the bone, how is it that something as common as cold cuts have a 68% chance of destroying my pancreas (and life on earth as I know it) and yet this stuff remains perfectly legal and available?? Fer chrissake! Kids can even buy cold cuts without parental approval!
Hey, I'm a sandwich kinda' guy, always have been. I'm the Earl of Sandwich incarnate, for cryin' out loud!! Me and Oscar Mayer go way back together, all the way to the sand box. Even the memory of a good ol' Philadelphia hoagie makes my eyes moist from longing… But just now, I'd really like to know why I haven't been protected from this noxious poison.
Here I sit, decades on this planet and no one even bothered to warn me till I got my issue of USA Weekend, yesterday! Well, happy, bloody New Year edition to you too, Mr. or Miss Surgeon General, since 1951! Where were you when I needed you? You got labels on silica jell so I won't open it and eat it when I unpack an appliance from Best Buy, but with bologna packing a 68% ticket to ride with the reaper, I get cute kids on commercials, pleadings from the beef council and a skyline peppered with sandwich shacks and burger palaces?
Sure, alcohol will kill you. Tobacco will too. Eggs, butter, whole milk, radon, UV rays, air pollution from traffic (but not that thick black smoke from diesel fueled semi-trailers…Um-m-m that's good stuff! Ask your politicians…they'll tell you.)…all of it (we're led to believe) lethal weapons slowly proceeding to diabolically take us out en mass. And don't let the numbers fool ya! At 6 billion souls on this planet we're running out of land, food, air and water, but if we just hadn't eaten that ham and cheese on rye for the last 10,000 years or so, why hell, maybe there could be 12 billion of us by now! And how do "they" know it's not the damned pickles on the side that's killing us?
Know what? All this is making me hungry. I'm gonna make a sandwich!
I think I'll take solace in the fact that eating the wrong stuff is more life extending than not eating at all.
And I'm thankful for that.
2 comments:
Recipe for the perfect sandwich: 7-inches of french bread sliced lengthwise, slathered in Blue Plate sandwich spread, lay on the lettuce, slice of turkey, tomato slice, deli-sliced ham, bean sprouts, roast beef hunk, topped with cucumber sliced lengthwise and a good dose of mustard before you put on that top slice of bread. And, if you are down home enough to appreciate it, nuke a sweet potato for 12 minutes and butter 'er up for dessert. Grab yourself a glass of your favorite Merlot and kick back! Ahh!
Wait a minute.... BACON is bad for you?! What the Hell!?
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